


Most Annoying Sound

by StuftZombie



Category: Almost Human
Genre: Banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 09:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1131283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StuftZombie/pseuds/StuftZombie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John wonders what he did to deserve Dorian as a partner. Dorian could probably list what he's done but would be told to shut up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Most Annoying Sound

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Almost Human secret Santa for a--syntheticsoul on tumblr. Very delayed in posting but I'm easily distracted. Hope ya'll enjoy.

Dorian was a DRN of many talents. He could determine a drug’s chemical composition by stabbing himself in the neck, detach his eyes to use as a camera, and catch up to a speeding van on foot. He also knew the exact combination of action and noises to give John a migraine to rival his first hangover. To give some context, John was fifteen when he broke into his father’s liquor cabinet and woke up to his father signing “Rocket Man” off key at the top of his lungs. Apparently the older Kennex had passed his revenge tactics onto Dorian from beyond the grave. If that was the case John would have strong words with Maya. It may not be her fault but his access to people who can talk to the dead is limited.

John had just successfully distracted himself with the past when a high pitched whine came from the passenger seat. It takes about 25 seconds for the sound to become effective.

“What?!” John tried his best not to snap.

Dorian smirked, “Nothing man. Rudy replace some of my vocal components this morning. Just testing out the range.”

John left eye began to twitch. It was barely past noon, he had another half hour until his lunch break unless someone was stupid enough to kill somebody. He just wanted noodles. Noodles and to leave Dorian in the car. If someone died in the next half hour he was going driving the police cruiser into a pole. “Do you have to test it in the car?”

“No,” Dorian said calmly, “but it is fun to watch you try and break the steering wheel with your bare hands.  It’s statistically unlikely but you’ve made a lot of progress.”

“Why do you feel the need to make my life hell?”

“Turnabouts fair play John,” he said by way of explanation.

Kennex glared at him, “I don’t annoy you intentionally. I don’t get the same sense of satisfaction as you obviously do.”

He seemed to pause thoughtfully, “Maybe this will encourage you think more before you speak.” Out of the edge of his vision John saw Dorian turn to give him a look.

“And maybe you’ll be held responsible for when I shoot the next idiot to cut me off in a fit of rage.” John turned and flashed Dorian a tight smile before looking back at the road.

“John,” Dorian said slowly, “I already stop you from doing that when you’re having a good day.”

“Yeah but now I’ll actually do it.”

“I find that somewhat unlikely.”

John debated continuing to argue with his partner just out of spite. He didn’t want Dorian to think his gaslighting technique was working. On the other hand his head hurt too much to continue. Dorian would win this round either now or after his feeble but rage filled attempt at a comeback. If he was going to lose he wasn’t going to make his situation worse. John glanced at the clock on panel. Twenty minutes to go.

“So where are we going for lunch today?” Dorian said suddenly. “I’m sure Nuri would be happy to have you try his new special.”

“What?! No, no, no,” John sat up straighter in his seat and started shaking his head.

“I thought you liked Nuri’s food.”

“Oh I do,” John glared again, “but now every time I’m there he gives me something alive to eat. I can only handle that once a week.”

Dorian shrugged, “You’ll get used to it.”

“My food moves,” John tried to clarify, “You never get used to that.”

“Several cultures consume live food. For instance-“

“No, don’t tell me. I really don’t need to know.”

“Just trying to expand your horizons John,” Dorian smiled.

“My horizons are expanded enough. They don’t need any more expanding. Stop trying to expand them.”

“Do you realize you get more repetitive the more frustrated you become?” Dorian said the question carefully. It almost sounded like he could do a tremendous amount of damage with this knowledge. Then again Dorian had are ready proven he was fine using his skills for evil. Damn, John missed when droids were still Three Laws Compliant.

 “No,” he tried for a simple reply.

Dorian frowned dramatically, “It’s a tell, man. You may want to keep an eye on that as well.”

“I’m thinking Thai today,” John said suddenly. “Haven’t had Thai in a while. Dara’s got a good yellow curry.”

The blue lines flashed on the side of Dorian’s face. He guessed Dorian was probably checking to see if there were any recent health violations. John sent a silent prayer to someone that there wasn’t, he didn’t want to learn one of his favorite restaurants was waging a war on roaches. The only restaurant he allowed living food was Nuri’s.

“It has a 3.8 star rating,” his partner said instead, “Little Kitchen is rated 4.5 and is more affordable.”

John rolled his eyes and thanked whatever god that had heard him. “I know Little Kitchen. I like Dara’s better, they actually make their food spicy and I know the wait staff.”

“Probably to disguise the lack of taste.” Dorian gave him another look.

“Mmmm,” John hummed, “tastey, tastey lack of taste.”

This time the robot looked exacerbated, “I hope your colon hates you.”

“Maybe but that’s something to regret tomorrow,” John smiled, “I’ll get the Evil Jungle special. You can taste some.”

“I don’t eat John.”

“Well, you can smell it!” He tried.

“Sometimes I hate you.” Dorian said with a sigh.

“And yet you allow me to live,” John said sarcastically. Dorian in turn gave him a very not sarcastic nod.

John took at left turn and started humming nonsense. His partner took notice of this and the lights on his face started flashing again. “Johh,” he frowned, “You’re going the wrong way.”

“No, I’m heading to Dara’s.”

“We’re still on the clock,” the lights flashed more quickly.

“Takes about 5 minutes to get there in this traffic,” John said, “and if anyone dies then while we’re there, they’ll still be dead after I’m done eating.”

Dorian sighed, “One of these days Maldonado is going to have you head.”

“And I’m sure you’ll have plenty evidence to support her in court.”

Dorian gave another bit to serious nod had a bit of a smirk at the end of it. John smiled too but that was mostly because he was already planning revenge for the “range check”. After all, turnabouts fair play. 

**Author's Note:**

> And it's up!
> 
> The last chapter of Bits and Piece and Things is out to Beta. She's getting done visiting family and getting ready for her last semester. Hope to have it up soon.
> 
> Notice any mistakes let me know.


End file.
